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vuongie
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Name: vuongie
Metro:
Birthday: 1/6/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: to find the perfect moment in time to say "that's whacked!'
Expertise: eating chocolate, rambling, reading and walking simultaneously, mis-hearing everything in a conversation, sleeping, procrastinating, spacing out, wandering around the city, and using the words: "bubbler," "wicked," and "idear'
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:
Member Since:
8/20/2003
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| once upon a time, i was the perfect asian child: model A student, perfect child, law abiding citizen. i was content.
then college b*$tch slapped me. suddenly, i realized i wasn't a brain child my public school teachers and family made me believe. i wasn't even mediocre...i was merely surviving at some points. my self confidence was crushed. i was in a sad state. pressure from my family, pressure to get into med school on the first try, and likely unreasonable self-expectations just made things worse. i'll finally admit i was bordering on depression. fortunately, i'm made of strong stock, had good friends who probably don't realize how much they helped me through those rough times, and snapped out of my self-pity. i left college with a bruised ego but learned to accept i'm not always going lead a golden life.
med school was an opportunity to re-create myself. i knew i wasn't a natural genius like some of my friends, which meant i would just have to work harder or learn to work smarter. but somehow, i didn't take action. i made excuses for myself to perform below level. "oh, someone is always going to be better than me, so i guess it's ok that i'm not doing so great." so i basically consciously slacked.
in the end, i've consciously sabotaged myself.
and what did it take to realize this, to admit to myself? 1) getting yelled and likely disappointing my adviser who is probably not sure why he chose me for this year long research position. 2) also, strangely, reading an article about ivanka trump. the only think i remember from the article is her saying "Mediocrity scares me."
i realize...i don't want to be mediocre. i don't want to be the presence or memory that never impresses. i want to stand out and sear into people's memories so that in 1 week, 1 year, 5 years, 20 years from now people will remember me like it was just yesterday. i want to leave some sort of mark in my lifetime. i want to know i gave my best in everything i do.
and smile. i mean, truly smile from the inside out...not one of those fake-for-the-camera smiles. there are so many reasons to smile, i just need to remember that they are there for me.
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| after literally running late this evening, i decided to tell my family about my aspirations of running the 2008 Boston Marathon. nothing is really set in stone yet, i still have a qualifying 10 mile run to complete this sunday to see if i make the cut. i was hoping to keep my plans on the down low until i was sure i made the team. but because i was late today and my older sister was unusually upset that i was late (i'm always late...she's always late. so i wasn't sure what the deal was.) i spilled the beans.
i expected some protests and eventually the "fine, do what you want, but don't push it. if you feel like you're going to die, then stop" response. my older sister was concerned b/c i've had ITB syndrome and a twice sprained ankle. but i assured her that with correct training, the right shoes, and stretching i would be fine. there's no reason i wouldn't make the 26 miles. then she brings up school and how if anything happens to me i'll be out for weeks. i said it wouldn't happen. i didn't yell, but i was upset with her. then she says "fine. do what you want. i'm going to stop caring about other people and care for myself." where the heck did that come from?! i had been angry with her response, but i didn't say anything mean or put her down. why did she respond like that? i was and am confused. i'm not very hurt because i think there's something else going on and perhaps that why she said that. and i know she said that b/c she cares and was just frustrated with me.
maybe i've been a bit selfish and haven't shown my appreciation towards my family and sister. maybe this is the final straw and she just feels that i am a spoiled brat who cares more for other people than my own family. i don't know. it's so confusing.
really, i just started running again b/c i haven't been able to sleep. then it started to feel good running again, to feel those endorphins rushing through my blood. then i thought, this is the perfect time to run the marathon. i've thought about it since college and now i have time. why not? plus it will help me be more strict with myself b/c i have to make time to train. i'd go back having to schedule and prioritize things again, like in high school!
why does everything have to be so difficult around here?
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| after finding out the sox wo n the world series, all i could say was "man, i wish i had bought some stuff from jordan's furniture!" i wonder how many people actually bought furniture during that period. i wonder how many people took a gamble and bought LOTS of furniture. lucky devils.
oh yah: GO RED SOX! YOUR NATION CAN NOW FINALLY GO TO SLEEP!!!
this week of training is not to a good start. only managed to squeeze in 2 miles before i had to run to the train stop. i suppose that extra rushing at the end can be counted towards something! last week's tally
monday, tuesday, thursday: 3.5 miles
saturday: 3.6 miles
Total: 14.1 miles
this week: 2miles  BAD! some severe mileage to make up.
sleep still escapes me. so tired. but cannot sleep. cannot do anything else except maybe run and be a robot. *bop bop beep beep!!*
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| 1) i recently finished reading amy tan's "the kitchen god's wife," which is a very good book. although the main characters are a chinese-born mother and an american-born chinese daughter, the essence of the mother-daughter relationship depicted in the story transcends race and ethnicity. the book is helping me to understand my mother a little bit more, especially during times when she and i disagree.
2) just came back from temple. really bad of me, but for the first 10 minutes of the dharma talk, all i could do was stare at the monk's head. it was so shiny! i thought it was funny because you could still see the black stubbles all over his head, but man, his head was blinding. how?! why?! i was so tempted to go up and rub his head. *squeak squeak!*
3) thinking about running the 2008 boston marathon. i might bust my knees or die after 10 steps, but this is something on my list of things to do. i feel both crazy and excited thinking about this. the last time i attempted to train was in 2000, but as we can tell, nothing came of that. (i think i tried training for 2 weeks and then got bored) let's hope i've developed more perseverance and determination in the last seven years. although, they might not be the deciding factors. if i run, it will be with the tufts marathon team, which has a qualifying run in december. it sounds like we have to survive ten miles, which might not be too bad. but, we'll see.
4) and finally, my beloved carved pumpkin is dead. no, the street's hoodlums did not bash him in. no, the wild squirrels did not devour him. in the end, it was the weather that did him in. in the beginning, his insides were white and solid. then after a few days of uncharacteristically warm temps, he got all moldy. *sigh*
 R.I.P | | |
| a morning of serenity and clarity at the temple
a sunday afternoon nap under newly laundered sheets
chomping on warm toast with grape jam
nibbling on a good chunk of pepper jack
laughing over insane pictures of the past
swaying and bobbing to jazz music
spending time with my loved ones
i love lazy sundays
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